


I Love You (And I Want Don't To)

by Mira_21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Crying, Depressed Armin Arlert, Emotional Sex, Eren Yeager Has BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder, Eren Yeager Is Suicidal, Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Wrote This To Cope With Chapters 1-136, Kinda, Kissing, Loneliness, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Minor Levi/Erwin Smith, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, Paths (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pre-Rumbling (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is (Not) A Vent Post, Unresolved Tension, armin and mikasa love each other as friends, he's an asshole but an asshole in pain-_-, i want to punch him and hug him at the same time, idk yet, nothing too major tho, speaking of in pain, we accept floch slander as well, we accept zeke slander in this household
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira_21/pseuds/Mira_21
Summary: Eren curled in on himself, hiding under the soft sheets. The hands gripping his head tightened painfully. The brunette wanted nothing more than to be back then, in the 104th barracks. Whenever he had a nightmare, Armin would wake him up oh so gently, whispering sweetly in his ear, rubbing his sweaty arms, kissing his damp forehead. If Eren asked him to, Armin would even crawl into bed with him, cradling his head against his small chest, kissing the top of his head. They would hold each other until the sun rose.The memories hit Eren like a train, hitting him with such a strong wave of loneliness that he thought he might scream. Sobbing now, tears and snot soaking the soft mattress beneath him, Eren wrapped his arms around himself, trying to pretend Armin was with him, holding him, whispering to him, kissing him.It didn’t work.Or:Armin and Eren are split apart. They want more than anything to see each other before they fall victim to their own minds. When they do meet again, in utter and eternal privacy, what will they say? What will they do?(This is my first time posting on AO3. Be nice, I do accept constructive criticism. Enjoy:)
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Levi/Erwin Smith, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	1. Why Aren't You Here?

Armin was so, so very tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. He just wanted to lie down and never wake up again. 

Armin wanted to die.

However, the blonde knew that dying would be selfish. He was given a second chance at life at the expense of Erwin’s. If Armin were to die, especially if he killed himself, that would be like spitting on Erwin’s grave.

Erwin should’ve been chosen, not Armin.

Armin knew this. He thought that everyone else knew that too. Armin knew Levi wanted Erwin to live, not him. Armin knew Levi loved Erwin, that it was so, so very hard for him to tell Erwin to ride out to the Beast Titan, that it was so, so very hard for him to choose Armin over Erwin. And yet, Levi still chose Armin. Why? He’s been nothing but a burden from the day he was born. A burden to his parents, to his grandfather, to Eren and Mikasa, to the 104th Cadet Corps, to the Survey Corps, and even now still. 

Armin wanted to die.

He’d been nothing but a useless, weak, stupid bastard and will never be anything more than that. His hopes and dreams have been reached, but why does he still feel so damn empty? Armin has seen the sea, he’s gone beyond the Walls! So why?!

Eren.

Eren wasn’t here. That’s why. Why isn’t Eren here? He’s always come when Armin needed him most. Well now he needs him more than ever before. So why isn’t Eren here?!  
“Armin.” Armin was snatched from his thoughts by Mikasa. She was crouching beside where Armin was curled into a ball in the corner of the room. On the ground by her feet was a tray with a slice of bread and a bowl of potato soup. 

“Armin, are you alright?” A concerned look replaced Mikasa’s usually stoic face.

Armin realized he was crying. He hastily raised a shaking hand to wipe away his tears roughly. “Um, y-yeah.” His voice was shaky and groggy with tears. Armin sniffled, his usually pudgy and red nose even darker from sniffling and wiping at it with the sleeve of his shirt. “It’s just . . .” Just what? Armin didn’t even know the reason he was crying. 

Why was he crying?

Eren. 

Eren’s the reason he’s crying. Er, the lack of Eren’s the reason Armin’s crying.

Without him even saying it, Mikasa nodded in understanding. She sat down beside him, her slender but callused hand pulled her red scarf over her nose. Tears of her own gathered in the corners of the dark eyes. Armin wrapped his arms loosely around her shoulders. With her free hand, Mikasa held one of Armin’s arms close to her.  
The two friends sat like that for a long while, just listening to each other breathing. Just that they were there, alive, was enough to calm Armin down. 

“Oh, sorry, the soup’s probably cold by now.” Mikasa apologized, wiping her tears. 

“Ah, no. It’s fine.” Armin said, glancing at the tray of food. “Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

“I always think of you.” Mikasa said, placing a soft kiss on Armin’s tear stained cheek. He smiled sweetly at her. Mikasa had always been there for him, too.

Mikasa picked up the tray of food and placed it in her lap. Armin didn’t really want to eat right now, but Mikasa had brought him food, so he supposed he could, for her sake at least. 

Mikasa passed him the bowl of soup. It had gotten cold, but Armin wasn’t picky. He could never afford to be picky. He drained his bowl quickly, and Mikasa gave him the slice of bread. It was a little stale and chewy, but Armin swallowed it down anyways. Even if he didn’t want to eat, Armin understood how important it was to keep up his strength - what little he had - so that he wasn’t any more of a burden than he already was to his comrades.

Seeming satisfied, Mikasa picked up the tray and stood. She stared down at Armin, seeming hesitant to leave him just yet. “Don’t do anything stupid, alright?” She decided on saying simply. Armin knew that Mikasa wasn’t good with words, and knew that no matter how simply she spoke, there was a lot of emotion behind her words.

“I promise I won’t.” Armin smiled at his friend. His answer seemed good enough for the dark-eyed girl, as she nodded sharply, and strode quietly away.

Armin watched the black-haired girl’s retreating form disappear from the room. The blonde sat and stared at the place he last saw his friend for what seemed like hours, before settling his head in between his knees. His arms curled protectively around his head and he drew his legs closer to his curled up body. Armin was already small for a boy his age, but sitting curled up in the corner of his room made him feel so incredibly small and insignificant - a mirror to his current state of mind.

Armin allowed himself to cry, to truly cry, for the first time in a while, most likely since Erwin’s death. He sobbed so hard he couldn’t breath, snot and tears running down his flushed face. Armin’s heart had jumped from his chest and lodged itself in his throat, making him painfully aware of how hard it was for him to breath.

Armin was wheezing, gasping, gripping his blond hair in one hand and the clothes over his chest in the other. Hyperventilating, Armin closed his tear-stung eyes. All he wanted to do at the moments was to curl up and die a pitiful, cowardly death. 

After what seemed like hours, Armin stopped hyperventilating. He sat staring at his hands, his ocean blue eyes uncharacteristically blank and dull. The tears had stopped, and Armin’s face was now a disgusting mess of tears, snot, and spit. His blond hair was messed up from his grabbing at it. His white button down shirt was wrinkled and tear-stained. Armin looked as disgusting as he felt. 

Taking the sleeve of his shirt, Armin wiped the drying tears off of his face and neck. Reaching to the bed stand, he grabbed a handful of tissues and blew his nose. Swallowing thickly, Armin stood up, ignoring the rush of blood to his head, and threw away the soiled tissues. Mechanically, he undressed from his tear-soaked shirt and military-issued boots. Putting on a new shirt, Armin climbed into the uncomfortable, yet warm bed.

His puffy eyes still stung from crying as he sniffled. Armin thought distantly how nice crying felt. How nice it was to release all of his pent up emotions and the momentary light feeling he experienced afterwards.

Exhausted from crying, Armin closed his red eyes, and drifted off to sleep easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always felt bad for Armin throughout the series, but seeing how far his mental state had declined in that scene in chapter 126 had me worried asf. As soon as I knew what he was doing I started crying and screaming at my computer. Got my parents concerned-_-


	2. Maybe, Just Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren contemplates his actions and reasons.

Eren was tired.

Floch and the “Jaegerists” had set up in an old castle Eren was all too familiar with. Happy to be away from Floch and the others, Eren headed off to his room - room not basement, though Eren was slightly tempted to go there instead, for nostalgia’s sake.

Eren knew he most likely wouldn’t get much sleep, but he could at least rest and recover his strength. He reached the large oak door that led to his room. Pushing it open with some difficulty, Eren was surprised by how big it was. Wondering if this was the room Erwin stayed in, Eren entered the huge room. 

There was a large desk along with several full but dusty bookshelves. Levi wouldn’t seize at the sight. There was also a large hand-woven rug on the floor beside a large queen-sized bed. 

Kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket, Eren dove ungracefully under the thick covers of the rich bed. He had never even been in the presence of such a nice bed before, and before he knew it he was getting sleepy. The mattress was lumpy but soft, and the pillows were full. 

“Hmmm . . .” Eren sighed contently, allowing himself a moment of ignorant bliss. Only his eyes and a bundle of tangled long hair was all that was visible of the young adult.   
Opening his emerald eyes slowly, not wanting the momentary happiness to end, Eren allowed himself to cry silently. Fat tears trickled down his cheeks and nose. The only noise he made were a few uncontrollable gasps for air and hiccups. 

"I want to die."

Eren knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew the people beyond the Walls were just as oblivious as they were that day. He knew the terror they would feel as the gigantic feet of the Wall Titans would rumble their lands and squash their people. He knew that Armin and Mikasa and Captain Levi and everyone else would - and probably do - hate him. Just thinking about how he would react - his beautiful blue eyes glistening with tears, a rare frown on his pink lips, his round face contorted with sadness and betrayal - fueled Eren’s own tears, a sob racking its way through his chest. He screwed his eyes shut, tears seeping from his ducts. 

I never wanted this.

Eren knew. He knew that he needed to make Mikasa and Armin hate him. Eren knew that they would protect him no matter what, even if they didn’t agree with him. That’s why he needed to do that, needed to hurt them. It hurt Eren more than anything ever had before, and he had been torn apart and forced back together more times than he could count. Eren hated their hurt expressions, their looks of shock and betrayal.

“You traitors!!” 

Flashes of Reiner and Bertholdt flashed before his closed eyes, Eren’s own words ringing in his ears. 

“I’m sorry.” Eren whispered, voice thick with tears. He brought his hands up to his ears, clamping them over the sides of his head. Eren could hear his own pitiful sobs muffled through his hands. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Eren curled in on himself, hiding under the soft sheets. The hands gripping his head tightened painfully. The brunette wanted nothing more than to be back then, in the 104th barracks. Whenever he had a nightmare, Armin would wake him up oh so gently, whispering sweetly in his ear, rubbing his sweaty arms, kissing his damp forehead. If Eren asked him to, Armin would even crawl into bed with him, cradling his head against his small chest, kissing the top of his head. They would hold each other until the sun rose. 

The memories hit Eren like a train, hitting him with such a strong wave of loneliness that he thought he might scream. Sobbing now, tears and snot soaking the soft mattress beneath him, Eren wrapped his arms around himself, trying to pretend Armin was with him, holding him, whispering to him, kissing him. 

It didn’t work. 

Eren brought his hands up to scratch at his neck, relishing in the sharp pain that distracted him from the strong throbbing one in his chest. The stronger and more painful Eren’s heart clenched, the deeper his uncut nails dug into his neck. The ever familiar smell of blood filled Eren’s nose. 

Vaguely, Eren wondered if Armin did hate him. The rage in his eyes when Eren had rejected Mikasa was so painful. Did Armin hate him? If someone had talked that way to his dearest friends, Eren would have killed them where they stood. Armin - weak, fragile Armin - had raised his fists to Eren. He had hit Eren in his anger and sadness. Even when Eren hit him back, again and again, Armin stood his ground to defend his friend. 

The memory of beating Armin caused Eren to dig harder, deeper into his neck, throat and face. Clawing at his cheeks and neck, Eren sobbed, his whole body shaking from the force of his cries. The thought that Eren had succeeded in making Armin and Mikasa hate him made him scowl bitterly at himself. That was his intent, right? To make the two people in the world who love him unconditionally doubt him. So why was he mad that he had gotten what wanted?

Ah, because it wasn’t what he wanted. Eren didn’t want them to hate him, he wanted them to stop him. The way to do that was to make them hate him. But why? Why did it hurt so much? 

Eren wanted them to stop him. 

He wanted them to kill him. 

Eren wanted to die.

The way to do that was for his beloved friends to hate him. If they hesitated, even for a second, Eren would give up and throw himself into their arms. He would accept whatever the world decided to do to him, just to see them stop crying. 

But no, Eren needed to do this. The outside world was full of hate. Hate for the people of Paradis Island, for the Eldian race. The Eldians of the Walls, who have done nothing but live in fear of the Titans as their lands were taken and their people eaten. The only way for them to be free, for them to be happy, was if that hatred was destroyed. The only way for Armin and Mikasa to be free and live long lives was to carry out this Rumbling.

There was so much Eren had left to say. He never realized how much he wanted to tell them until death was creeping up on him. So many “thank you”s and “I love you”s were still left unsaid. 

Eren’s hands stilled. He could feel the stickiness of his own blood stuck under his fingernails. 

Eren wondered if this was how Ymir felt. Maybe he could take inspiration from her and write them letters. 

Slowly, hesitantly, Eren lifted himself from the amazingly comfortable bed and made his way slowly to the small bathroom attached to his room. Glancing out the wide window, Eren could see that it was late into the night already. 

Filling the wide basin with water, Eren splashed the cold liquid on his face, hissing at the temperature. He scrubbed away his dried tears and blood. Eren paused to see his handiwork in the scratched up mirror. Steam was drafting off of the green-eyed teen. He watched with morbid fascination as the jagged cuts steamed and closed shut like zippers. Chuckling lowly at the thought, Eren went back to cleaning his hands of blood. 

Drying himself off with a towel, Eren shuffled groggily back to his comfy bed. Crawling under the covers for the second time that night, Eren drifted off to sleep to memories of Armin holding him close.

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t hate him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have an updating schedule, but I'll try to update regularly:)
> 
> (Sorry for the short chapters btw)


	3. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin and Eren meet in Ymir's Realm. Confessions and feelings ensue.

The first thing Armin noticed when he woke up was the strange softness underneath him.

Armin pried his eyes open. His eyelids stuck together with sleep. Armin stared at the dark starry sky above him. Blinking the gunk out of his eyes, Armin sleepily counted the stars. Figuring it was still early morning, Armin closed his eyes again, hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep before facing the world again.  
A few beats passed.

Then, something suddenly clicked in Armins head.

Armin’s oceanic eyes flew open, startled. He bolted upright into a hasty sitting position. Starting to panic, Armin snapped his head from side to side, taking in his surroundings.   
As far as Armin could see, there were fields of white sand that stretched across the horizon. Overhead there was a deep navy sky dotted with twinkling white specks of light. Despite the sky being so dark and there being no sun or moon, Armin noticed, this foreign place seemed very bright. Noticing his long shadow in front of him, Armin looked behind him. 

What seemed like a huge column of light branched off at the sky and resembled a great tree. This strange tree of white light illuminated the strange place Armin now found himself in.

“Wha . . .?” Armin asked no one in particular as he gazed at the strange object. Looking down at his hands, Armin grabbed a handful of the white sand and watched in confused wonder as he watched the coarse powder fall through his pale fingers and spill onto the sandy ground. “Where am I?”

“You’re at the Paths.” Spoke an all too familiar deep voice behind him. Armin snapped head to the voice’s owner. His blue eyes were blown wide as saucers at the sight of the man who had spoken. A look of shock and wonder lay on the man’s stern features. His dark chocolate hair was messily pulled half back and his emerald eyes glistened with tears. “Armin.” 

Eren.

Armin froze. All he could do was sit there, staring at his once best friend. The blonde sat there, taking in all of Eren’s features like he was a thirsty man seeing water for the first time in years. He looked with a sad longing at Eren’s once expressive face. Tears had given Eren’s brilliant green eyes a hazy shine that glistened in the bright light. Eren was here?

Tears of his own gathered in his eyes. Pathetic, Armin thought bitterly. This was the second time he cried in less than twenty-four hours. Armin was shaking, but he didn’t dare move from his spot on the sandy ground. Fat, hot tears escaped from Armin’s eyes against his will. His breath came out shaky and in shallow wheezes. Eren stood a few feet away staring through his own tears which he didn’t seem to want to fall. 

Gasping out sobs, Armin watched as Eren slowly made his way closer to the small blonde. Stopping just in front of Armin, the brunette crouched down so that the pairs’ faces were mere inches apart. This close to Eren’s face, Armin couldn’t help but to be amazed by the beauty of Eren’s emerald green eyes. He watched the light catch the little accents of blues and greys compliment the brilliant greens. 

Sucking in a shaking breath, Armin prepared to speak, to tell Eren that what he was doing was wrong, that the mindless slaughter of millions of people wouldn’t change anything for the better. “Errr-ennn,” Armin sobbed out each syllable. It sounded just as pathetic and useless as he was. He had the words he wanted to say, but for some reason Armin couldn’t say them. He had imagined how trying to convince Eren would be, he had rehearsed several conversations and arguments in his head. So why couldn’t he say anything?

Armin was pulled from his thoughts when Eren placed a calloused hand on Armin’s cheek, cupping his face in one hand. With his thumb, Eren wiped away the tears in Armin’s eye. The strangely intimate action simply brought about more tears and several half-laugh half-sobs from the blue-eyed boy, however. With a small smile and sad eyes, Eren brought his other hand up to wipe Armin’s tears before resting on his flushed cheek. Eren’s large hands held Armin’s face gently but firmly, in a careful desperation. Armin watched with teary eyes as Eren moved even closer to his face. 

Then, Eren closed the distance between them as he kissed Armin on the lips. Armin’s eyes flew open wide in surprise. Eren’s hands held his head still, not that Armin was in the state of mind to move away. It was short and chaste, but the kiss still had Armin’s mind running miles a minute. There were butterflies fluttering around in his heart. 

“Huh . . . ?” Armin sighed out shakily, still coming down from crying. “E-Eren?” Eren simply gave him another small smile before their putting foreheads together and closing his eyes. Armin felt his face heat up, his already flushed cheeks on fire. 

Eren had just kissed him!

The realization sunk in. Armin gasped softly, sighing out an inaudible “Oh.” He felt tears prick at his eyes again, but blinked them away rapidly. Armin would not allow himself to cry yet again. Armin had only ever dreamed of Eren loving him, let alone kissing him.

“Eren?” Armin hesitantly asked, as Eren still had not looked up at him since the . . . the kiss. 

“Hmm?” Eren simply hummed in response, still not looking at Armin, his voice unsteady. Armin noticed the hands on his face were starting to shake slightly. He brought his own pale hands up to rest them on Eren’s gently. Still, Eren didn’t look at him.

Rubbing soothing circles over the back of his hand, Armin spoke quietly, “Eren, why did you kiss me?”

Eren froze. Then he started shaking again. He was gripping Armin’s hair a little too tightly now, and Armin winced at the pain. Not knowing what else to do, Armin leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Eren’s torso. He leaned back into his sitting position, dragging Eren forward. Surprised, Eren untangled his fingers from Armin’s blond locks and instead clung to Armin’s shoulders. Eren was practically half-laying, half-sitting in Armin’s lap and his head had fallen into the blonde’s chest. Armin had one arm holding Eren close to his body and the other hand was cradling his head against his chest. Armin, determined to comfort Eren and to get an answer, continued to hold him like this. It was a bit awkward given their size difference, but it was enough for the two Titan-shifters. 

“So . . .” Eren began, uncharacteristically hesitant. “You don’t hate me, Armin?”

Armin blinked. “No, Eren, I don’t hate you. In fact I love you and Mikasa more than anyone. It’s just . . . I don’t agree with the Rumbling or the Euthanization plans. You’ve hurt people. All I want to know is why? Why won’t you talk to us?”

Eren was silent for a couple of seconds. “I’m sorry, Armin. But this is what needs to be done. I know you don’t agree with it, but it is how it is. I’m sorry.”

He sounded so sorry and earnest that Armin almost forgot his anger and disappointment. “‘It is how it is’, huh.” Armin said, face and voice laden with sadness. Only then did Eren look up at the blonde.

Panic suddenly flashed over Eren’s face. In a desperate voice Eren pleaded, “Armin, I’m sorry, really! Please, I-I don’t know what else to do!” Eren straightened himself in Armin’s lap, gripping his slim shoulders roughly now. “Please, Armin! Don’t hate me! Don’t leave me! Armin!”

Armin blinked in confusion. It wasn’t uncommon for Eren to suddenly switch moods or to go into a blind panic, but he had been strangely - worryingly - calm the past couple years. Armin ran his hands gently, soothingly over Eren’s upper arms. “Eren, I’m not going to leave you. And I already told you I don’t hate you. I just want to know what’s going on.”

Eren studied his face as if he were looking for any sort of indication Armin was lying to him. Suddenly, Eren threw his arms around Armin’s neck and buried his face in the blue-eyed boy’s neck. The force and speed at which Eren hugged/tackled Armin threw the smaller man off balance. With a small noise of surprise from Armin, the pair fell backwards into the sand. 

“Er-Eren . . .!” Armin groaned from Eren’s weight on top of him. Eren’s only response was to squeeze tighter. Armin wheezed from the extra force making it hard to breath. “Eren! Get . . .ugh, get off!” Armin wiggled his hands underneath Eren’s shoulders to shove him. 

Eren got up suddenly. With his elbows on either side of Armin’s head to steady himself, Eren gazed down at the blonde with shining eyes. Armin looked up at his friend, confused. He could see that Eren’s cheeks were red with embarrassment. 

“Armin,” Eren said seriously, staring down at Armin. “I love you, Armin.” For some reason it seemed like it was hard for the green-eyed man to say.

Armin smiled up at him sweetly, though he was still recovering from the hug. “I love you too, Eren.” For some reason this made Eren angry.

“No, no, no!” Eren huffed, annoyed. Armin was lost again. “I know you love me, but I love you love you! Like, the ‘I want to marry you’ kind of love you.” Eren’s face was beet red now. He didn’t look Armin in the face. Embarrassed, Eren buried his face in Armin’s neck again.

Armin had always been praised for his genius, but it was in moments like these that Armin felt so utterly lost.

What? Eren loves me loves me? He wants to marry me . . . ? 

Then Armin’s brain caught up to his thoughts. “W-What?!” He tried to sit up, but Eren pushed him back down. “Ugh, Eren!”

Eren mumbled something into Armin’s clothes chest. “. . .What did you say?” Armin asked, his voice softer this time.

“I said, ‘Do you . . . feel . . . the . . . uh, same . . .’” Eren started off loud and frustrated before trailing off in embarrassment.

Armin blinked. Did he feel the same way? Did Armin want to marry him? Armin thought. He could easily imagine him and Eren living together, sharing meals, going to strange new places, sharing a bed . . .

What?! Armin shouldn’t be thinking about things like that right now. He shook his head to rid himself of the thought, his face now the same shade as Eren’s.

“So, you don’t . . ?” Eren asked, a devastated look on his face. Armin quickly decided he hated that look and never wanted to see it again. 

“N-N-No! That’s not it, it’s just . . .” Just what? Did he love Eren? Well of course the answer to that was ‘yes’. But did Armin love Eren the way Eren loved Armin? Armin forced himself to think about it. Kissing, touching, holding, sharing a bed, and more intimate things. Armin’s face was on fire just thinking about it. He had never been immature about sex, but thinking about actually doing it with Eren, that was something else entirely. Forcing himself to imagine it though, Armin decided that he would like it.

Armin felt like digging a hole and burying himself alive from embarrassment. His face felt like it was being lit with an oil fire.

“I,” Armin started, swallowing thickly. “I love you too, Eren. I love you a lot.”

Eren’s face morphed from devastation to pure elation like lightning. “Really? You don’t hate me? You . . . you love me?!”

“Mmhmm.” Armin said, smiling weakly. It was true, he really did love this man. Hopefully they could come to see eye-to-eye through that love. But Armin would worry about mass genocide later. 

Eren leaned into Armin’s face again. Armin mentally prepared himself for the kiss this time. “Oh, I didn’t ask last time. Armin? Can I kiss you?” The butterflies in Armin’s heart migrated to his stomach. Nodding, Armin closed his eyes in anticipation.

Eren pressed their chests together gently, still on top of Armin. With his elbows on either side of Armin’s face, Eren brought his hands to gently play with Armin’s golden hair. Leaning in fully, Eren pressed his thin lips to Armin’s, sighing contently through his nose. This kiss was a lot less chaste this time. Eren licked Armin’s closed lips. Moving his mouth messily against Armin’s, the two boys clung to each other for support. The kiss was sloppy, but neither one cared. Soon the kiss escalated to the introduction of tongue. Neither one had kissed many people before, so they were going more off of what felt right than anything. Eren took the lead, however. He was on top of Armin so he had a better angle to explore the blue-eyed boy’s mouth with his tongue. 

Armin didn’t know what to think. He felt so light, like he was on a cloud. His feet tingled from the sensation of the loss of gravity. Armin’s usually sharp mind was muddled and clouded. His oceanic eyes fluttered closed. Everything felt so sensual. It was just a kiss! Yet Armin felt like he could here in this strange place in the sand with Eren for years. He still had so many questions to ask Eren. He still had so many things he wanted to tell him. But all Armin could do was lay there with his arms around Eren’s neck as the green-eyed man kissed him long and sweet.

Armin knew he loved Eren. He always had. Ever since they were young and carefree kids. He had just never realized until now how he loved Eren. He had never categorized his love for Eren as “platonic” or “romantic”, it had always just been love. Armin felt like just being friends with Eren was more than he deserved. So he had never allowed himself to dream of being more than that, because he thought that it would never happen, that he would just bring about his own heartbreak. 

But here he was, with Eren. He had confessed to Armin. Eren had told him that he loved him. Eren was half-laying on Armin, half-hovering over him as he kissed the blonde with such a passion Armin felt stupid he had ever thought Eren would never love him. 

Armin felt the tears threaten to spill from his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night - was it still nighttime? - and fought as hard as he could to keep them at bay. It didn’t work. The tears streamed down the side of Armin’s face and dripped into the white sand beneath him. He whimpered out a breathless sob into the kiss. Eren paused, and pulled away from Armin’s face, though he was still mere inches away. Peering up at Eren through tear-soaked lashes, Armin was surprised by the softest, most concerned face he had seen on Eren in years. 

“Armin,” Eren asked, breathless from the kiss. “Why are you crying? Do you not want to do this?”

“No, it’s not that.” Armin reassured, his voice thick with tears. Removing his arms from Eren’s back, Armin wiped his eyes hastily, not wanting Eren to see him crying. He wanted to say those words again. Armin wanted to let Eren know that he loved him as much as he loved Armin. Armin brought his hands up to cup Eren’s face, his thumbs gently rubbed small soothing circles into his tanned cheeks. Eren’s worried look dissipated slightly at Armin’s touches. Armin pulled Eren into a brief, light kiss. It was so careful, so soft, that tears appeared in Eren’s own eyes. Pulling back slowly, Armin whispered the words that he wanted to say, that he wanted to mean something.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet:O
> 
> Smut next chapter(;
> 
> Also, thank to everyone who left comments and kudos! It made my day:)


	4. *Notice*

Hello anyone reading this piece of shit:):):)

I just wanted to share that I will being going on a short hiatus for a while:(:(:(

But then again next chapter will be pretty long + smutty😩

It won't be a long hiatus don't worry:):):) Not like you would:):):)

So yeah

Also (Chapter 137 spoilers) R.I.P. Monke Man😩

Though in all honesty I'm scared out of my shit for these last two chapters. Knowing the sadist Isayama is they won't be happy:(:(:( If they're anything as sad as chapter 132 was then I'm dead-_-

Anyways be safe. I love y'all<3 No matter how depressed and fucked up y'all are. I know you are because you're reading an Attack on Titan manga spoiler Eremin fanfic with the tags "Angst" with "Hurt/Comfort" and smut most likely at the butt crack of dawn too, running off of pure mania and energy drinks. 

I see you.

Go to sleep bitches>:( Drink some water, touch some grass or sum

Anyways have a fucking fantastic day:):):)


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